Raising teenagers today takes guile, native cunning and old-fashioned trickery. Qualities that your grandparents probably had. Here are five strategies for raising teenagers that your grandparents had and forgot to pass on to their children:

1. Mess with their minds use facts, not scare tactics

Generation Ys live in each others pockets and they tend to reflect each others views, which are often narrow and lack some historical perspective. It is useful then for older generations to let their views be known to provide Gen whYs with a different perspective. It needs to be done in a way that is not self indulgent and that doesnt lecture - with tact and guile.

2. Communicate as if you are going for a job interview

A professional communicator doesnt need to have all the answers. They are confident enough to admit that they dont know and they allow themselves some time to figure out a better response. A professional communicator knows that remaining calm, choosing words carefully or deferring decisions means that they are more likely to be listened to, and that they will make safer decisions.

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3. Open up the door to mentors and the wider community

It is not uncommon for todays young to have very limited access to broader family members and have weak ties to cousins, aunties and extended family members. This model is ultimately doomed to failure as the developmental task for a young person is about rejecting ones mother and father before moving on to adulthood. In more traditional societies, it was the extended family, rather than parents that helped young people make the transition to adulthood.

The great challenge for all adults, whether parents or broader community, is to engage with young people in ways that are meaningful, challenging and relevant. We can use artificial means such as providing mentors, which are uncle and aunty substitutes or just make a concerted effort to encourage them to interact with other generations.

4. Talk to other parents

It is also helpful to talk with other parents to find out if your teenagers behaviour is normal and within the realms of acceptability. So your son spends a lot of time on his own in his room. How long do you wait until you try to lure him out? It just helps sometimes to check with parents of teenagers of the same age. Find out about the issues that they may be dealing with.

Talk to other parents when:

• You are unsure of party or group activity details

• You want to check that your child has a proper grasp of some details

• You are having a difficult time as a parent

• Your teenager is beginning a new phase of his or her life and you need some hints

5. Dont let them drop out of the family

Spending time in bedrooms is just one way young people can drop out of their family. Refusing to attend family functions, celebrations or even mealtimes are also common ways of dropping out. It is useful for parents to negotiate with young people about the types of events that young people are expected to attend and those that they can pass by. It is helpful to know which events are ...